Author: Brittny

  • Secrets

    Secrets

    So, on Wednesday I was actually working on a post that was directed towards one of my friends. I’ve been really frustrated with him lately because we’re really good friends… most of the time. However, he’s such a private person that I never feel like I have any idea what’s going on in his life beyond simply classes. Of course, just as I was in the middle of typing up that post… I went to my Religion class. Sister Black was telling us about the Book of Mormon and when Martin Harris lost the 116 pages. Sister Black was telling us that after losing the 116 pages Joseph Smith was a lot more closed and private. He was a lot more careful about who he let into his inner circle. I felt a little bit bad about what I was writing. Maybe this friend has got something down that I just don’t understand yet, or maybe he’s learned the hard way what can happen when you let too many people in.

    On the other hand… I’m not entirely sure how much I agree with that whole concept. In my opinion, we’re supposed to be open with other people. We’re supposed to be able to share or joys and sorrows with each other. We’re not meant to go through this life on our own, that’s why we were given friends. I used to have major barriers built around myself. I didn’t let people know much about me or give into much emotional stuff. It has been a long and PAINFUL road to really get myself to open up. Still, I don’t open myself up to just anyone.  Unless someone cares enough to really ask I won’t just divulge anything. But the walls are gone. You can’t be close to people who don’t know anything about you, can you? I’m definitely a different girl from the one who started at BYU 3 years ago. But I think it’s been changes for the better. I’ll admit, I’m more scared of letting people get close to me, because I know what that can do. But, I’m more willing to allow them to do so because I have learned also how great it can be to have those people.

    I guess it’s a balance, Joseph didn’t shut everyone out, he was just a lot more careful. Maybe I should learn something from that and be a little more careful myself, not closed off, just more careful about who I trust. Heaven knows I ought to have learned that by now. Anyway, this isn’t so much a declaration of which way is right and which way is wrong, simply some thoughts I’ve had lately that I needed to get out.

  • Sufferings..

    Sufferings..

    While I was on tour I completed The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. If you haven’t read it I HIGHLY recommend it. It was such an amazing book. It’s about a woman in Holland who was part of the anti-Nazi resistance during World War II. There’s a ton more to it than that but the part I wanted to talk about is what I gained from reading about her experience in the concentration camp. I decided that I hate watching people suffer, or knowing that they are suffering. I know that seems like a pretty obvious statement, but apparently not everyone agrees. As I was reading about the cruelty the Nazi soldiers inflicted on their prisoners it just made me ill. I couldn’t imagine one human being treating another like that. It made me think about the Jews as they sentenced Christ to be killed. Whenever I think about that I just can’t understand how anyone could be so filled with hatred as to kill the Son of God. I know they may not have believed that, but really, I just I can’t fathom it. I have a hard time killing spiders even though I absolutely despise them. They’re living creatures and I don’t like taking away life, it just gives me the creeps. I know that from a moral standpoint it doesn’t matter that I make Taylor kill the spiders for me, but I just cannot do it myself. It also made me think of how much our Father in Heaven must love us. I mean, I look at how much I can’t stand watching other people suffer, and the people that I see suffer aren’t in a fraction of what the prisoners of the Holocaust suffered and their total combined suffering is only a small portion of all of the sufferings and sins of the entire world. I can’t even begin to fathom the suffering he went through. But not only did he do it, but his Father who loves Him more than we will ever understand, sat by and watched, allowing it to happen that we might be saved. What deep love our Father has for us to allow His perfect Son to die for the rest of us imperfect human beings. Anyways, I don’t know how coherent that was (it is almost 2am and I’m soo dead) but it was just some thoughts that I needed to share before my brain exploded.

  • perspective

    perspective

    In Relief Society today we had a lesson on hymns. Someone started talking about an experience she had on her mission and I was… humbled. She told us about a really bad day that she was having when the hymn “Count Your Many Blessings” came into her mind. As she recited the lyrics (which, granted I’ve heard a million times before) it really hit home to me.

    When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed
    When you are discouraged thinking all is lost
    Count your many blessings name them one by one
    And it will surprise you what the Lord has done

    Lately I have been discouraged and definitely have felt like all is lost. But I’ve decided to try and count my many blessings (because let’s face it, the gospel is true, temples are beautiful… it’s all just a matter of perspective) instead of focusing on things I can’t control. Does it mean things will be any easier? Nope. Does it mean that all the pain will disappear? Not really. Does it mean that every morning I will wake up and my life will be going perfectly? No. But it does mean that I can see the sunlight through the clouds and be happy despite them.

    Later in sacrament meeting it was pounded into my head again as we sang that song for the closing hymn. Although… I nearly passed out towards the end of the last verse because I hadn’t eaten anything yet today. I hope that’s not a sign…

    Anyways, that’s what I learned today and I just wanted to share.

  • Thought for the Day

    Thought for the Day

    I went to my Doctrine & Covenants class today and the teacher said something that I wanted to comment on. As we were leaving he said “Don’t forget that today is your best day ever.” At first I just laughed thinking “please tell me you’re kidding me… because right now, I’m not really in the mood for the best day ever.” Then he said, “Even if you have challenges right now or you’re sick or whatever, today is your best day ever.” It was sorta a reality check for me. I’ve said this a million times before and I’ll probably say it a million times again. Our lives turn out however we want them to be. We can choose our attitude and that is really what controls our life. No matter how many times I think that over (heck, i’ve been trying to write a book to that effect…) I still keep needing to re-learn it. So, I’m going to make a commitment, right now. Yes, currently a major part of my life sucks, but I’m going to try and make the best of it. I’m going to take this next year to get everything in order and just take care of the things that I can control. My schoolwork, how i run my life, getting in my 100. Until I can change my parents’ mind I’m going to at least make sure that I’m using the time given to me well.

    Today has overall been pretty good. I got $1000 into my checking account from savings, my new bus pass, ran into my old roommate, and got officially added to the YA tech crew again. The last one was pretty cool. They already had 8 people enrolled in the crew which is usually the total they allow on, but since they wanted me back enough, they made it a 9 person crew so that I could come back as a spotlight operator. That really made me feel good. China & Korea here I come!! 🙂

    Heart still hurts, but I’m surviving. One day at a time I guess…

  • Hey!

    Hey!

    I finally did it! I started my own LJ [blog]! It’s about time, wouldn’t you say? I decided this would be better than my exceedingly long away messages that I write like every night. I guess partly I like it too just because it’s a little bit more permanent. I mean, if I post things in an away message, by tomorrow, it’s gone. This can stay up for… forever. Well, maybe not that long, but you get the idea.

    I just had a few things that I wanted to get out of myself so that I could get some sleep. Mostly stuff from my scripture study this evening.

    I decided to start reading the True to the Faith book a little bit so I started flipping through it. Just sorta skimmed and as things caught my eye I would read them for a little while before finding the next interesting looking topic. Yeah, I know that all of the topics are interesting and important in their own right but this was just sorta my preliminary skimming of the book. I only made it as far as the P’s tonight, but that was ok. I found a lot of the things I was looking for.

    The first thing I found was actually kinda unexpected. One of the topics that randomly caught my eye was fasting and fast offerings. For whatever reason I’ve sorta been on a fasting kick over the past year. It seems to help with just about anything you’re going through. Although, I think I almost ran into the problem of fasting too much to the point where it was almost dangerous to my health if you know what I mean. I don’t want that to sound self-righteous, it was just sorta that I got to the point where I was ok without eating, so really fasting didn’t have all that much effect. It was the same as any other day because I was never eating. Kinda weird.

    Anyways, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my own weaknesses and how I’m going to overcome them. Then I read this: “If you have a weakness or sin that you have struggled to overcome, you may need to fast and pray to receive the help or forgiveness you require.” I guess I just hadn’t really thought about having my own fast to overcome a weakness that I have. I guess I’ll be putting that one to use in the near future. The other thing I realized while I was reading it over was the importance of making a fast offering to go along with fasting. I guess I’d just never really thought of that before. But it totally makes sense. I think that’s going to be something that I’ll do a lot more as I get up to BYU this year and I’m really on my own as far as food and everything goes for the first time. So that was really good.

    I found a lot of really interesting stuff under Honesty as well, but there was one thing that I found to be really interesting and another statement that I found to be truly profound. I really liked where it said: “If you lie, cheat, steal or neglect to give the full amount of work for your pay, you lose your self-respect.” I just really liked that last part about “[neglecting] to give the full amount of work for your pay..” I guess integrity has been something I’ve totally focused on probably since middle school, and it’s become really important to me. A lot of people don’t look at “working the system” as being dishonest. But I think it’s pretty clear in here that it is. No, maybe it doesn’t fall under what we generally classify dishonesty as in the clear cut “lying, cheating and stealing” sense, but it is every bit as dishonest as any of those.

    Finally, I liked the very last bit in that section, “Being honest often requires courage and sacrifice, especially when others try to persuade you to justify dishonest behavior. If you find yourself in such a situation, remember that the lasting peace that comes from being honest is more valuable than the momentary relief of following the crowd.” I liked that a lot. It was just really profound.. and kinda a zinger. Enough said…

    Another thing I ran across while studying my scriptures tonight was a quote that I got from my favorite sticker-loving seminary teacher (and no… I’m not talking about Brother Bryan) I keep flipping my scriptures open to this page and I constantly read D&C 132:16-19. But on Sunday night I finally read over the quote and realized that it was in relation to verses 20-24. Very interesting if you think about it. Anyways, after re-reading the quote the other night I really liked it and I sorta want to make it into a motto for my life. It’s from Joseph Fielding Smith in the Improvement Era from November of 1909. It says “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, basing its belief on divine revelation, ancient and modern, proclaims man to be the direct and lineal offspring of Deity. God himself is an exalted man, perfected, enthroned and supreme… Man is the child of God, formed in the divine image and endowed with divine attributes, even as the infant son of an earthly father is capable in due time of becoming a man, so the undeveloped offspring of celestial parentage is capable, by experience through ages and eons, of evolving into a God.”

    On the same handout it also has Lorenzo Snow’s famous quote “As man now is God once was; As now God is, so man may be.” The thing that really has struck me as of late is that God used to be just like us. I know it sounds irreverent to put it this way… but God wasn’t perfect! He had to go through a life, same as us, so that He could become who He is now. At one point even God had weaknesses, and trials and failings that He had to overcome to become exalted. We’re ok!! Even if we have to reach perfection through lots of repentance, we’re not all that far behind. God had to do the same thing. Yeah, He’s over it now… but it doesn’t make him all that different from us.

    Maybe an analogy would help this to make a little bit more sense. It’s kinda like looking at someone who has a doctorate. When you look at them you say “Wow, look at them, they’ve got a PhD.” But really, 10 years ago they were in your shoes. Just starting college, maybe failed a couple of classes. Changed majors 10-12 times. Had a hard time balancing friends and studies. They didn’t just suddenly appear and had a PhD, they started from the bottom and worked their way up. It’s the same way with God. At one point He was on an Earth and He probably had troubles getting along with His siblings. He might have needed to overcome laziness. Maybe He even had some big sins that he had to work through. But He did it. That’s why He can tell us with absolute certainity, “it’s going to be ok. You can do it.” He’s already done it! He wants to help us because He knows what it’s like to have a Father in Heaven that is willing to help. What a wonderful concept!!