Author: Brittny

I know I’ve promised to post about my testimony on Fast Sundays, but this post has been rattling around in my head and my heart for the past couple weeks and I needed to write it first.  So while this post will still share a portion of my testimony and explain a little bit of “Why I Believe”, it’s more of a theological pondering than a testimony.  If you’re really itching for a testimony post you can read Part 1 and Part 2 of that series at those links.  I’ll try to resume those posts with next Fast Sunday… unless I have something else I’m itching to write about 😉

Whenever I watch General Conference the stories that touch me most are always those about the small spiritual promptings that someone received and followed that shows in a small and personal way that Heavenly Father is aware of each of us.  One of my favorite recent stories of such a prompting came from President Monson’s talk during the Relief Society General Broadcast this past October.  He told the story of a sister who had lost a lot of hope.  She had expressed to a friend that the only thing that sounded good to her was homemade bread.  The next day, an acquaintance – that barely knew this woman and was completely unaware of her struggles – drove across town with such a loaf of bread and quietly dropped it off without any idea why she was doing so.  To me these small personal experiences are the greatest testament of Heavenly Father’s love for each of us individually.

Recently I had just such an experience which I wanted to share.  A little over two months ago I was outside on a Sunday evening with my little boy Danny.  We were getting ready to go inside and I was trying to gather up all of his bikes and scooters which he had left scattered around the neighborhood.  As we were looking around we found that his prized possession – a bike that looks like a dirt bike – had been commandeered by one of his friends.

I knew Danny would be upset about not having his bike.  While it didn’t really bother me that this kid was riding Danny’s bike I also didn’t feel bad at all going to ask for it back.  As we reached the end of the driveway though I had a distinct impression to just leave it be.  At the time I interpreted the impression as, “They’re only young for so long, see how happy it’s making him?  Just let it go and distract Danny with something else.”  I decided to go with that feeling and Danny was somehow easily distracted despite his adamance a moment before that we go retrieve this bike.  Danny is not usually easily swayed so this was a little bit odd but we went on with our evening.  At some point the bike was returned and all was well.

I probably wouldn’t have thought of that experience ever again except for what happened next.  The little boy who was riding Danny’s bike, was Kayson Shelton.  That evening on Danny’s bike was the last time I saw that sweet kid in this life.  The last thing I can remember doing for him personally was an act of kindness.  An insignifiant and small one, but in a moment where I was planning to do otherwise.  I can only imagine how I would feel now if I had instead  gone over and said, “Hey bud, that’s Danny’s bike, would you mind letting him have it back?” rather than just letting him enjoy it for a bit longer.  It wouldn’t have been wrong of me, and it wasn’t like I would have been at all mean to him.  However, I’m so grateful that the last thing I can remember doing for him was something that made him happy.

In retrospect I don’t think the impression was really that “they’re only young for so long”, but really it was a warning to me that Kayson only had so much time left on this earth.  It’s hard to explain how I can reinterpret that impression, but it’s not like it came in printed memo format.  It was more than just a feeling but less than a complete coherent thought.  Impressions like that require some interpretation by me so I can make sense of them in my conscious stream of thought.  At the time, the idea that this little rambunctious, bright two and a half year old would be gone less than a week later was completely unthinkable – it still is.  So even though that was the thought I had, I wouldn’t let myself think something so outlandish and interpreted it in terms that made more sense to me at the time.

I can think of another time in my life when I had a similar experience with a spiritual impression.  In August 2006 I had just flown into Utah from a trip with my family in Australia.  I’d been travelling for over 24 hours, and was tired but decided to go visit some friends.  While I was there my friends’ roommate went out of his way to talk to me and really showed an interest in being nice to me, despite my friends being preoccupied with other things.   I’d been told in the course of meeting him that he had a girlfriend, but while we were talking I had the distinct impression, “I am going to marry this man.”  At the time, that impression made no sense – I barely knew him, he had a girlfriend, I had someone else I was interested in pursuing… it just didn’t compute.  So I brushed the feeling off.  I reinterpreted that impression and said to myself, “What you mean is you want to marry someone like him.  Someone who will go out of their way to make others around them feel comfortable. Seriously Brittny, you need to go home and get some sleep.”  Four months later, we were engaged, and six months after that I did in fact marry Eric.  Seven years and three kids later – that crazy impression doesn’t seem so crazy after all.

As I’ve thought about these experiences I’ve wondered what would have happened in my life if I were to have listened more closely to the Spirit?  When I was in college I found that I would frequently have the impression before leaving for class to grab a couple extra pens.  Every single time I had that impression, whether I followed it or not, I would find someone during the day who for one reason or another needed those extra pens.  I started to try to be more quick to follow those impressions so I could be prepared to be (a very very small) blessing to someone else during the day.

I think now, what if I had been more true to these larger, more dramatic impressions like I tried to be with those small pen impressions?  What if instead of downplaying my thought about Kayson I had taken it at face value.  Could I have given his mom a warning?  Or maybe just told her to take a lot of pictures or to hug him a little bit closer?  I’m not saying that I necessarily should have given such warnings, but if I had been more receptive to the Spirit, could I have done more?  In a similar vein, what if I had taken my impression about Eric seriously?  What if, I had decided right then to stop wasting any energy on the young man I thought I was interested in and focused that energy on Eric instead?

Obviously, playing the “what if” game for things that happened in the past is useful for no one and things seem to have worked out anyways.  I don’t think I did things wrong in the past, but I’m playing the “what if” game with my future.  What if I try to live closer to the spirit today, could I be a greater instrument in the hands of the Lord?  What if I trust the promptings I receive instead of reinterpreting them, could I gain more insight to help in the lives of my children?  I want to strive to be the kind of person who listens to and acts upon the impressions I’m given, rather than letting them pass me by.

I’m once again stealing my mom’s spirituallectual property (yes, I am copyrighting that phrase), but about a year ago she shared an interpretation of a scripture story that I’d never considered before.  Not because it’s a story I’d never read before, in fact it’s probably one of the most frequently read scripture stories in the church.  Let’s talk about Nephi going and getting the brass plates. (If you want to quickly review the story this is Nephi Chapters 3-5) So let’s start from the beginning.  Lehi has fled into the wilderness from the people of Jerusalem who want to kill him for prophesying uncomfortable truths.  Then when he gets there he tells his four sons – Laman, Lemuel, Sam & Nephi – that they need to go back to Jerusalem to retrieve the scriptural records of their people.  Laman and Lemuel complain about it, but Nephi shows faith and says,

I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

–1 Nephi 3:7

Then the rest of the story goes that they all 4 return to Jerusalem, Laman and Lemuel are whiny faithless crybabies, and Nephi gets the brass plates that contain their records all by himself.  Right? Wrong!  I’ve read this story so many times that when I read it that’s sorta how it goes in my head.  Nephi trusts in the Lord, and succeeds because he was obedient to the Lord’s commandments.  But I sort of skip through the meat of the story.

What happens is they return to Jerusalem and attempt to get the plates – and fail.  Not just fail a little bit, but fail pretty spectacularly.  Twice.  Let’s go through that part of the story and try to forget that we already know the ending, and walk through the steps.

First they send Laman in to talk to Laban about getting the plates and he is chased away and Laban threatens his life (1 Nephi 3:11-13).  Laman tends to get a pretty bad wrap, but my guess is that he knew going into this that Laban wasn’t likely to just hand over the plates willingly.  Despite that, and even with his reluctance to go in the first place, he puts his faith in the Lord and goes anyways.  Only to be rejected and almost lose his life over the matter.  Yeah, Laman doesn’t do all the greatest things in his life, but he shows some pretty strong faith in this matter.

When he comes back, they want to give up.  Instead, Nephi comes up with this cockamamie idea that they can go back to their old home and retrieve all the riches their father had accumulated and attempt to purchase the plates, even though Laban has already promised to kill them if they come back.  Already Laman and Lemuel could easily say, “Look, we did what the Lord commanded and it didn’t work.  We clearly didn’t have His protection and help in getting the plates so maybe this wasn’t what we were supposed to be doing after all.”  Please pause and pretend for a second that you don’t know the ending to the story and try to see it from their point of view.  If someone were to tell you about a situation they were going through that was similar you would probably feel justified telling them, “Hey, you gave it your best shot and that’s good enough.”  But no, they are again faithful and go along with Nephi’s plan in spite of adversity.

So off they go back to their house and gather together all of their precious worldly possessions to trade for these scriptural records.  Think for just a second of the trial that would be all by itself.  You’ve been driven from your home and now you’re going to go back and take all the valuable things you have and trade them just for a copy of the scriptures.  Clearly even Laman and Lemuel had a vision of just how precious those records were.  They gather all these things and go back to Laban with a decent proposition – all of our riches for the plates of brass.  Laban decides he likes the idea of the riches, but not of giving up the plates, so he sends his guards to kill the brothers so that he can keep their possessions without an exchange.  The brothers have to flee the city and barely escape with their lives.

Think for a second how Laman and Lemuel must be feeling at this point.  They’ve now given up all of their precious possessions and almost been killed in the attempt to get the brass plates.  Their adrenaline must be running at a serious high from that experience.  So they get back to being alone as brothers and start taking it out on Nephi.  Of course they shouldn’t harm their brother but imagine what they must have been thinking, “We told you this was a bad idea.  You risked all of our lives and sacrificed all of our possessions – for nothing.  If we hadn’t listened to you we would have been heading back to our father safe and sound with the possibility of getting those possessions back.  Now they’re gone forever and we could be dead thanks to you.”  If my little brother had talked me and my siblings into something like that and it had failed I’d be ticked to say the least.  I’m not one for physical violence (I’m the runt of our family, that would be a poor choice of problem resolving methods for me), but I can understand at least a little why they found a stick and started walloping on their brother who had put them into such a terrible situation.

Then of course the story ends in the way we expected it to from the beginning.  An angel comes and tells off Laman and Lemuel for their lack of faith, Nephi goes back and gets the plates by miraculous means and they return to their father victorious.  But I want to pause for a second and think more about the middle of the story.  Why can’t we skip all of the lives being threatened and the loss of property and just have Nephi go in, chop of Laban’s head and walk out with the plates in the first place?  Surely the Lord could have made that work out just fine, so why go through all that rigmarole? I think this is an excellent example of what Moroni teaches us in Ether 12:6,

And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.

I would venture that these crazy trials didn’t come despite their faithfulness in following the commandments but almost because of their faithfulness.  They needed to know how valuable these records really were to them, and I’m sure they didn’t really realize just what they were willing to sacrifice for them until they’d actually done it.  The Lord doesn’t just provide everything for us, because by working for things we recognize the value of our blessings. It’s something I want to remember more as I face trials.  I know I’ve had times when I’ve thought, “I know what I felt like I was supposed to do, but it’s just not working out.  I’ve given it my best shot and maybe I should just give up and do something else.”  But just because something isn’t working out now, or you haven’t been miraculously been placed exactly where you thought you’d end up – that doesn’t mean things aren’t working out the way they should.  Remember what the Lord told the Prophet Joseph in Liberty Jail –

If thou art called to pass through tribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in perils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea;

If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to prison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like wolves for the blood of the lamb;

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

–Doctrine & Covenants 122:5-8 (emphasis added)

Even, and perhaps especially, when things don’t seem to be working out the way we’d expected they would when we are faithful it is not an excuse to give up.  At those points the challenge to us is to strive even harder, stretch even further and wait a little longer for the hand of God to be revealed.  I’ve heard it said, “it will all be right in the end, so if it isn’t all right, then it’s not the end.”  So if you’re going through trials and feel like you’re reaching the end of your rope, take courage.  He who knows the end from the beginning is watching over you and is there to aid you and guide you.  Righteous living does not ensure an easy course, but it will get you safely to your ultimate destination.

This morning I called home to chat with my mom while I worked on some cleaning.  I called her cell phone and (not atypically) she didn’t answer.  Whenever she doesn’t answer her cell phone I call the house line, since it’s not uncommon for her cell phone to be on vibrate, in the car, out of battery etc.  However, it seems like whenever I call the house she’s in the middle of doing something important and ignoring my call intentionally, but if I don’t call the other line then I’ll talk to her later and she’ll say “Oh darn!  If you had called the house I was just doing dishes and I would have loved to have talked to you then!”  I’m a big believer in Murphy’s Law, but no really, this is how it works every. single. time.  So I now joke with my mom that I call the house just so that she has important things that need to be done.

Anyways, so today I called the house line after failing to reach my mom on her cell phone and had this conversation –

Person on the other end (not my mom): Anderson residence?
Me: Oh, uhm, hi, is Kerry there?
Person on the other end: Oh hi, is this Brittny?
Me (starting to recognize the other person as a sister in my mom’s ward): Yes
Sister Hendrickson: Yeah, your mom is here but they’re having a wedding in their yard right now which is why she didn’t answer.  But I’ll let her know to call you back ok?
Me: Oh!  Uh, yeah, sure.  Thanks, bye!

Now before you go thinking that I’m a total flake for forgetting that there was a wedding at my parents’ house today… I had ZERO idea there was a wedding there today.  It was Monday morning.  My mom had been out of town all last week. She came home later Friday and spent Saturday helping out at their stake youth conference.  No one in my family had a pending engagement.  Why on earth would I have thought they’d be having a wedding at their house this morning??  Strangely though, I was only moderately surprised.  Like the amount of surprised you might be if someone were to come over and say “Hey, it’s not our friend’s birthday but I thought we’d take them over some cake today anyways.”  It was not what I’d expected, but, sure why not?  That sounded like something that might be going on at my parents’ house.

So later today I got the full story from my mom.  Apparently there is a couple who had been attending my parents’ ward on Sunday who was planning on getting married, but would have to wait for a temple sealing as the woman is getting baptized this coming Saturday.  Things had suddenly worked out this weekend that their family could all be in town and they’d decided to go to the courthouse to get married while they had that support.  When my mom heard this she leaned over to this woman and mentioned, “You know, my husband (the bishop in my parents’ ward) could marry you.”  The sister was gracious and mentioned that they had planned on having a backyard wedding but that things had fallen through.  A few minutes later my mom said, “You know, I have a backyard that you could get married in too.”  And so, it was arranged that the next morning there would be a wedding in my parents’ backyard.

What happened next was pretty cool.  That afternoon my mom sent out on her ward’s Relief Society email that they were having this little impromptu wedding ceremony at their house the next day and wondered if anyone could help make it a little bit special.  By the following morning there was a cake made, flowers arranged, seats set up, bows tied around chairs, gardening done, decorations put up, potted flowers volunteered, food for a luncheon prepared and live musicians arranged.  All to make a special day for a woman these Relief Society sisters barely even knew.

As I was looking at the pictures of this event and feeling so blessed to have come from a ward that would do such a thing, I realized something.  What happened today at my parents home in California was remarkable… because it wasn’t remarkable.  Knowing my mom and the sisters in her ward, that’s pretty much what I would have expected would happen.  Not that I would expect that occasion, but given the circumstances, I was awed but not surprised at the outcome.  As I thought about it, that same thing could have happened in my ward here in Draper, Utah.  It could have happened in Eric’s home ward in Indiana.  It could have happened in my grandmother’s ward in Brisbane, Australia.  It could have happened anywhere where there were Relief Society sisters.  I saw just such service happen in my own ward a couple weeks ago as my ward sprang into action to help Kayson Shelton’s family after his passing.

Tonight as I had these events on my mind I thought I’d look at this month’s visiting teaching message.  This month’s message just happened to focus on ministering to those around us, and I read another story –

At the October 1856 general conference, President Brigham Young (1801–77) announced that handcart pioneers were still crossing the plains and that everyone was to help gather supplies for them immediately. Lucy Meserve Smith wrote that women “stripped off their petticoats [large underskirts], stockings, and every thing they could spare, right there in the Tabernacle, and piled [them] into the wagons.”

As the rescued pioneers began to arrive in Salt Lake City, Lucy wrote, “I never took more … pleasure in any labor I ever performed in my life, such a unanimity of feeling prevailed. I only had to go into a store and make my wants known; if it was cloth, it was measured off without charge.

It struck me that what was unique about what happened in my parents’ ward today, wasn’t the service given as much as the organization of the Relief Society itself.  When the Relief Society was first organized Sister Emma Smith said of it, “We are going to do something extraordinary. … We expect extraordinary occasions and pressing calls.”  What’s amazing, is that these seemingly incredible, insurmountable calls for service, are precisely what the Relief Society was created to fill – “extraordinary occasions and pressing calls”.  Sister Linda K. Burton said, “With practice, each of us can become more like the Savior as we serve God’s children.  … As we do so, we are keeping covenants, and our service, like President Monson’s, will be evidence of our discipleship.”  Sometimes I think we slight the Relief Society as just being about baking casseroles and arranging flowers.  We must remember that when we are doing those things, we are doing precisely what the Savior has asked us to do, to be”… the Lord’s hands here upon the earth, with the mandate to serve and to lift His children, ” as President Monson encouraged us.

Today as I reflected on some of the service given by various Relief Society sisters I felt overwhelmed with gratitude to be part of such an amazing sisterhood here on the earth.  Women have a different way of doing things than men, and I’m grateful that we have a divinely organized society that gives us the opportunity to use our unique talents to bless Heavenly Father’s children all around us.

This past Friday our family received some of the worst news we could imagine.  Our dear friends and neighbors, the Sheltons, had lost their sweet two year old son, Kayson in a tragic accident.

When you get news like that, everything stops.  To say this hit close to home would be an understatement.  The Sheltons live just a couple doors down from us, I can see their house from our front door and the windows on our upper story.  Kayson is friends with my little boy Danny as he’s only a few months younger than my son.  He’d been part of the little joy school that I’d done with some moms in my neighborhood this past year.  He was in Danny’s nursery class.  I remember him as being quiet, sweet and rambunctious.  Those terms might not seem to go together, but he was a very kind boy but with a lot of the high energy that can come with being a little boy.  His family are some of the most wonderful people on this planet.  No exaggeration.  In a recent Relief Society activity the sisters in our ward were going around and talking about various people in the ward who had given them service.  At least half of the women who shared something were talking about Kayson’s mom – Toni.  She is always serving someone else.  Taking meals, watching kids, cleaning houses, listening to friends – she has a constant awareness for the needs of those around her and is looking for ways to fill those needs.  Kayson’s dad, Scott serves with my husband Eric in our ward’s Young Men’s program and is always friendly and aware of those around him.  This past winter when my brother and dad were at my house and getting ready for different surgeries, Scott was the one who was able to come over and help give them blessings – and my mom was impressed later in the week when he stopped them in the driveway to see how both of their surgeries had gone.  These are some of the most genuinely GOOD people in this world.

As the news spread through our neighborhood our neighbors slowly all gathered to the Shelton’s driveway.  The Sheltons of course were still out of town, but the neighborhood just wanted to feel like we were there supporting them.  Quickly, the neighborhood sprang into action.  They found blue ribbon and started tying it to every post, light pole and tree in our neighborhood.  Anything that stood still for long enough got a ribbon tied to it.  A banner was placed in their driveway for neighbors to sign and share messages of love for them that would be placed on their garage door.  The men all got together and got supplies to plant flowers in their front yard, some new trees in their park strip, and finish off their side yard by removing rocks and putting down bark chips.

Their family came and started cleaning the house top to bottom.  One family in our ward volunteered an empty freezer for their use and the Relief Society sprang into action making freezer meals.  Another neighbor donated the use of their truck and trailer to transport that freezer across the neighborhood.   In one day we had so many meals made that they ran out of room in that previously empty freezer and space was volunteered in another neighbor’s freezer for more meals that would be taken at a later time.  Healthy snacks were collected for the kids at one person’s house.  Some friends gathered to make care packages for Kayson’s three siblings.  Blankets are being made and collected in Kayson’s honor to give to Project Night Night.  I put my talents to use and set up a website for memories and photos of Kayson, as well as an online fundraiser.  Someone else set up a Wells Fargo account in Kayson’s name to help offset the funeral/transportation costs.  So many posts have been made by their friends and family expressing condolences and love for them.  The Relief Society is arranging for a luncheon for the family following the funeral services.  One of their friends is selling a beautiful digital print that says “Families are Forever” and giving all the proceeds to the Sheltons.  The neighborhood found out when the Sheltons would be coming in and lined luminaries along the entire path from our neighborhood entrance to their home.  As the Sheltons drove in the neighbors lined the streets and quietly sang “Families Can Be Together Forever” and then met in their driveway for a neighborhood prayer on their behalf.

The amount of service and outpouring of love on their behalf has been staggering.  I have never seen anything like it.  And yet, even as I watch it all the only thing I can think is this:

It’s not enough.

It’s not even close to enough.

We’re not even approaching 1/1000th of a percent of a fraction of being within light years of enough.

It can never, ever, ever be enough.

Regardless of the amount of service, the amount of love, the donations, the time and the true and sincerely genuine efforts of their friends, family and community – these good people have lost their son.  They have been separated from a child who they love as dearly as they love their own lives.  Such a loss is an unspeakable sorrow and nothing we can ever do could make up for that.

I expressed this thought to my husband. He agreed and added this inspired insight – “It reminds you of how the Atonement works, doesn’t it?”  I thought about that for a moment and realized, that he was exactly right, and we discussed the many different ways in which the analogy could extend.

Of course, firstly the atonement is the only thing that will ever make the Shelton’s loss right again.  We have the knowledge that because of Christ’s sacrifice for us their family can be once again reunited.  They will still miss him dearly in the meantime, and the grief is still very real, but in the end he is not gone forever.  There is hope even in the pain of the loss.

But it’s also like the atonement in our own lives.  We’re taught, “for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” (2 Nephi 25:23)  In our lives we have been given commandments and we strive to serve one another and do the best we can do.  We work ourselves to the brink serving and loving.  Caring for children, working in church callings, serving in the temple, doing family history work, studying the scriptures, praying, attending church meetings, preaching the gospel, serving missions, enduring through trials, donating our time, our talents and our means to building the kingdom of God.  But yet…

It’s not enough.

It can’t be enough.  Regardless of all of our best efforts to keep the commandments and serve others – we are lost.  We have fallen from the presence of our Heavenly Father.  “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” (Romans 3:23) No matter what we do, we cannot save ourselves.  We are stuck forever in a state of separation from our Eternal Parents.  It’s a horrific state to be in and we simply do not have the power to do anything about it.

But, even in this sorrowful state, there is hope.  Even though we can’t do anything about our fallen state, Christ can.  He has made his sacrifice so that we might return to live with our Eternal Parents again.  The only thing that will ever make up for our fall is His Atonement and He gives that to us freely.

Some people look and say, “well there’s nothing we can do, we’re saved completely by grace, so it doesn’t matter if we give our efforts to keep the commandments – none of that will save us so why bother?”  Why bother?  Because we don’t give our efforts to save ourselves, we give them to serve Christ, to give something, the only thing we can give, back to Him in return for what he has given us.  We wouldn’t say as a community, “well, nothing we can do will make up for the Sheltons’ loss so let’s not do anything at all.”  That would be absurd!  Of course we did what we could do for the Sheltons.  We gave our very best efforts, and did all that we can do.  We’re not doing it because we think it will fix the problem, we’re doing it because we love the Sheltons.  We don’t serve Christ because it saves us, we do it because we love him.

I think sometimes that phrase “all that we can do” is misunderstood.  Of course we didn’t do every single possible thing that we could have done for them.  We didn’t finish their basement, or donate every cent of our money, or make it so that Scott will never have to work again… but that doesn’t make it so it wasn’t our best.  I don’t think the Sheltons are going to come back to their friends and family and say, “well, but you could have done ____”, I’m sure they are seeing everyone’s efforts and are grateful for what has been done.  They know that we’ve made our best and honest effort to do what we could to alleviate their pain, as feeble as those efforts may seem.  I think Christ will look at us the same way.  Even though we cannot ever do every single thing we possibly could do, to be the very best we could possibly be, I don’t think He will fault us for that.  I think at the last day Christ will look at us and say as he did to the woman who anointed His feet, “Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much” (Luke 7:47).  

The Atonement is real.  It will make up for every pain, every sorrow, every sin that we face in this world.  Christ made his sacrifice so that the Sheltons can be reunited with their sweet Kayson again.  So that their family, and our family, and all families can be together forever.  Our efforts are nothing, but because of Him- 

It is enough.

For anyone who would like to do something for the Sheltons donations can be made through Wells Fargo in an account set up in Kayson’s name.  There is also an online fundraiser that you can get to here. Blankets are also being collected in our neighborhood to be displayed at the funeral, you can contact me in the comments if you want a specific drop off point.

Recently I listened to a friend tell me and a few of our other friends how she feels like she’s not doing enough.  That she sees the other moms around her doing all these great things and wonders why she can’t do everything that these women other women do.  Having watched this particular mom I can tell you for a fact – she’s one of the moms that I have looked at and thought, “Man, why can’t I do all that she does?”  Her house is always clean and well decorated, she seems to always be organizing activities with other people, she exercises, she cooks healthy meals, she dresses cute and is always smiling and reaching out to people who could use a friend.  Oh, and on top of that she has three little boys that she takes care of all day in addition to working crazy 12 hour night shifts as a nurse.  If she doesn’t count as the pulled-together mom of the year no one does.

The reality is that none of us are doing all of the things that other people think we’re doing.  We like to share the things we do well – as we should.  So people see all the things that are going great in our life and compare that part of their life to just the picture perfect things that we share with others.  But we almost never share the things we aren’t doing so well.  It’s not malicious, we want to celebrate the things that are going well and aren’t quite as keen to celebrate our perceived failures.  So, I decided I was going to get real and post what it’s really like around our house.  Generally I share the good things that are happening in my life, like my son wanting to go to church meetings or spiritual thoughts that I have when reading the scriptures or cool resources that I’ve put together.  But that’s just a tiny tiny slice of my life.  I thought I’d share some of the other side.  These are some pictures I took of our house recently-

I will admit, I’m not being as real with you as I’m claiming.  This is how things looked after a HUGE amount of cleaning.  Like 3 days worth of dedicated effort to cleaning.  It looked MUCH worse beforehand, but I didn’t think to take any pictures then.  It’s not just that I still have a shred of pride (perhaps only a shred, but it does exist!) but also I just didn’t think about it until I was this far into it and thought, “Man, if people only knew that my house was really SO messy that it’s taken me a lot of work and it STILL looks horrendous”.  Even still, there are no pictures here of how awful my kitchen looks, or a close up of my bathroom sinks, and no selfies of me with my unwashed hair.  I couldn’t bring myself to that level of reality.  I’ll admit to you they were also bad, but I couldn’t bring myself to incriminate myself with photographic evidence.  Sorry.

The truth is there are not enough hours in a day for each of us to be the Pinterest Perfect Woman.  I can also guarantee you that NONE of the women who look perfect on Pinterest really are as perfect as they look on the internet.  There are not enough hours in a day!  They’re sharing with you the things that they do well, but I promise that there are other aspects of those women that you don’t see.  You are not expected to be able to have fun activities for your kids every day AND make delicious, organic, aesthetically pleasing dinners AND have the perfect hairdos or makeup or clothing AND take perfect pictures AND have an immaculate, well-decorated house AND bring in an income from part-time/full-time/from home work AND be completely versed on current affairs AND have a perfect garden etc etc etc.  The list of possible pursuits that you may want to perfect is endless.

Growing up most of us were told that we could be ANYTHING we wanted to be.  Our potential was limitless.  I am not here to dispute that.  You really can be anything that you want to be.  But, you cannot be everything you want to be.  In college I was once told that there were three main elements to a college experience – sleep, social life and academics.  You could succeed at any two of the three in a given semester, but it was impossible to really do well at all three in one semester.  That was totally right.  You could have a social life and do well in your classes – but it would be at the expense of sleep.  Or you could do really well in your classes and get adequate sleep, but your social life would definitely suffer.  Or you could slack off and have an awesome social life and get decent rest… your parents weren’t likely to approve of the grades you brought home at the end of the term though.

It’s the same with the rest of our lives as well.  You can pick something that you want to do well, and you certainly have the potential to be exceptional in that thing.  However, you will not be able to be exceptional in everything – and that’s ok.  Unless you find a time turner and are able to get more hours in the day than the rest of us then you will never be able to master all these things at once.  So choose what is important to you and forget the rest.

Today, I’m owning up to my part.  Many days I don’t shower, my baby stays in her pajamas all day, and I let my three year old roam the neighborhood on his own.  I don’t keep a clean house, I don’t make delicious, beautiful cakes, and I don’t weed our garden sufficiently.  However, I’m still a pretty darn awesome person.  Despite the things I can’t do, there are some things that I do pretty well.  I can build websites, I cook semi-decently, and I can put together some decent science experiments for my kids.  Today despite the things I didn’t do I was able to get my desk cleaned off, reached my 10,000 step goal for the day and wrote this blog post.  That’

At the dinner table each night my husband will frequently ask me, “What did you do today?”  As a stay-at-home mom of three kids often it’s hard to find the right answer to that question.  My days always seem packed, but without a lot to show for all my work at the end of the day.  Often the answer I give him is the slightly tongue-in-cheek, “I kept all three of our kids alive – all. day.”  Luckily, I married a very smart man and he will usually respond with a sincere, “Good job!” rather than rolling his eyes.  While I’m being a little bit silly, the truth is that just that task of being a mom takes an enormous amount of time.  When you account for all the time you spend getting kids ready, preparing meals, nursing babies, changing diapers, going to/from the bus stop, finding activities for your kids, picking up toys, laundry, cleaning, meal planning, grocery shopping, dishes, stories, breaking up fights… suddenly your whole day is spent.  The hardest part is that at the end of that day, there is little to show for your efforts as nearly all those things will have to be re-done the next day.  It is the most disheartening part of motherhood.  However, those things are the most important things we could be doing.  As tedious and mundane as your efforts may seem, there is nothing that could be more important than the work of raising the next generation.

Before this most recent General Conference I was struggling with feelings of inadequacy similar to those that my friend described.  Prior to the conference I wrote down a few questions that I was hoping to have answered during the conference.  This is one of the questions I wrote – “How can I best use my time with the many demands placed thereon? Freelance work, housekeeping, motherhood, callings, education, blogging, reading, socializing children etc. How can I keep from being completely overwhelmed and truly accomplish things? Or do I need to simply embrace the chaos?”  In the second talk of the conference I got my answer.  Sister Linda S. Reeves shared her experience of feeling overwhelmed as the mother of 4 young children and turning to the Lord for guidance on how to get through those times.  The answer she received was this – “It is OK if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.”  I cannot adequately express how much peace that answer gave me.  While I still often feel overwhelmed with all that I’m trying to do it’s easier to step back and evaluate if we’re doing those three basic things – prayer, scripture study and family home evening.  I’m sure we’re not even doing those things as well as we could, but if we’re doing them then we’re ok.

Ladies, but especially fellow moms, please stop beating yourselves up.  You cannot do it all, so don’t expect yourself to.  Choose something that you really want to do well and work towards that *one* thing, and forgive yourself for not doing the other things.  Pick your priorities, give yourself credit for the things that you are doing and let the rest of it go.  I promise you’re doing better than you realize, and I’m sure there’s someone who’s looking at you and wondering how you do it all.

This morning I was curling my hair and getting ready for church and hadn’t realized that my three year old had (as usual) escaped the house.  I went outside in my curlers and had this conversation with him on his bike –

Me: Danny, I need you to come back inside.  I didn’t know you were outside and I was worried
Danny: But I wanted to ride my bike
Me: Well, I need you to come back inside now.  Do you want to go to meetings with dad?  He’s coming back to get you and you don’t get to go unless you’ve been obedient
Danny (lights up): Yes! Yes!  I go to ABCs with dad!!

Believe it or not, this is a typical Sunday conversation with Danny.  He *loves* to go to church meetings, and luckily for him his dad is our ward’s Young Men’s President and has a plethora of meetings to attend on a Sunday morning.  As the apocryphal 14th article of faith states – “We believe in meetings, we hope for meetings, we have endured many meetings, and hope to be able to endure all meetings.  If there is any reason for a meeting, we seek after it.” (Note: for those not of our faith, this is not a real article of our faith, it’s a tongue in cheek spoof of a portion of our 13th article of faith, but for those with demanding callings it sometimes feels true)    He started calling his dad’s meetings “ABCs” which is a pretty apt way to categorize the alphabet soup that are church meetings (PEC, BYC, PPI etc).  As soon as Danny saw that I’d pulled out his suit this morning he was so excited to get all dressed up for church.   He got dressed as much on his own as he could and was so pumped to get to go.  He even sits relatively quietly through his dad’s meetings, that’s why he has his notebook in the picture above – so he can take his notes in the meeting.

Our family likes to giggle about Danny and his love of meetings, but I was thinking about it this morning and I’ve decided that I want to be more like Danny.  He acts like it is a great privilege to get to go to these meetings while most of us who are actually required to go to such meetings dread them.  But Danny is right, it is a great privilege to have a calling to serve those around us.  As King Benjamin taught –

And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.

What greater privilege could there be than to use our humble gifts in the service of God?  We are so blessed to be in a position to serve others and to be given that responsibility is a tremendous gift.  We should rejoice to have the opportunity to share the blessings we’ve been given with our brothers and sisters in love.

I also like his attitude about his church clothes.  Most of us are loath to put on a dress or a shirt and tie to go to our church meetings.  It’s not convenient, it’s not comfortable, and most of us think “do I have to?”  I read an article earlier this week entitled, “Are Americans dressing too sloppy for Sabbath worship?” which addressed the increasingly casual attitude of Americans in their church services. I thought a lot on what I had read, and it bothered me a little bit the thought that we might judge people on how they dress for church.  I think if someone shows up to church in yoga pants and a tank top we should welcome them in and love them, just as they are.  However,  I think it is a problem that we are less willing to get ourselves dressed up for church.  There is wisdom in the idea of putting on our “Sunday best”.  I think it shows respect to our Father in Heaven and shows that we are willing to make Sunday a little different from any other day.  Even if it is acceptable to go to the office in jeans and a t-shirt that doesn’t change how we should approach our Sabbath worship.  Cleaning up and dressing up for Sunday shows that we’ve made some preparation for how we approach our Lord.  It signals that we appreciate what a privilege it is to come to church, partake of the sacrament and renew our covenants, and that we take that privilege seriously.

I guess I’m understanding a little more why our Savior taught –

Therefore, whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God. Behold, for such I have laid down my life, and have taken it up again; therefore repent, and come unto me ye ends of the earth, and be saved.